It Was Like...Magic

"Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic." - Sam Baldwin in Sleepless in Seattle

Someone recently suggested that I write about how I met & married my husband. Since I do happen to be married to the most wonderful man on the planet, I thought it was an excellent idea! So here goes:

I don't remember ever officially "meeting" my husband, Jerry. We grew up 4 blocks from each other & went to the same high school. He was a few years ahead of me, but we hung out with some of the same people. Besides, it was a pretty small school by today's standards - only 500 students in 8th - 12th grades by the time I graduated - so everyone just sort of knew (or at least knew of) everyone else.

As I said, Jerry & I had some of the same friends, so we would cross paths from time to time. I thought he was sweet & really cute, but I was too young to date, so even if he had noticed me, which he now says he had, it couldn't amount to anything. Awhile after he had graduated, however, he finally asked me out. Well, actually, since he was the shy, quiet type, he had a mutual friend ask for him. Since I was now old enough, & since the mutual friend, when I asked him if I should go or not, said I should, I said yes. (Undying gratitude to you, Charlie, for your fabulous advice!) We dated on & off for the next several months. It never became serious, but in hindsight we both realize that we had a deep connection even then. One particular event pretty much sums it up. We were sitting on my front porch one day & out of the blue - & totally out of character - he looked at me & said, "I could be married to you." That surprised me, but we followed it with some playful moments of me calling him "Husband" & him calling me "Wife", but that was the end of it. Or so we thought.

Many years & a lot of life went by for both of us. Jerry's led to marriage, a child, a major career change to the job of his dreams, a few moves & a divorce. Mine, of course, led to college, the car wreck, spinal cord injury, quadriplegia, & adjusting to my new life. Then one day we saw each other. We talked, we caught up, we laughed and, well, to quote Sam Baldwin (& Annie Reed), "It was like...magic." He told me later that when he looked at me he didn't see a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. He saw that 15-year-old on my front porch He saw ME. That's just one example of how amazing he is.

We started dating & quickly fell in love. We began talking about marriage, & the one thing I asked was that he not propose on a holiday because I wanted a separate "special" day to remember. So what did he do? He proposed to me on Christmas Day! I was so shocked that I thought he was kidding. After all, I TOLD him I wanted a separate day. He ended up having to ask me 4 TIMES before I could get my "Yes" out. The 1st two times I thought he was joking, the 3rd time I was crying & the 4th time I was finally able to answer. His excuse for asking on Christmas was that it was the last thing I would expect. Well, he was certainly right & his surprise worked!

Up until a few weeks before Jerry proposed, I had a combination of professional caregivers & my mom taking care of me. As a quadriplegic, I need someone else to do almost everything for me. If they don't do it for me, they at least have to set things up for me to do it myself - like give me a special splint, for example. In early December, 1992, I lost my live-in caregiver. My mom, who was 68 at the time, had developed rheumatoid arthritis & no longer had the strength to bathe me, dress me, etc. We hired a daytime caregiver & Jerry decided to move into the live-in caregiver's room & take over my nighttime & weekend care. Over the previous few months, my mom had already been teaching him all that was involved in caring for a quadriplegic. It is a HUGE responsibility including VERY personal contact. It requires an enormously special heart - truly a gift from God - on the part of the caregiver, as well as complete trust from me in that caregiver. After all, my life is LITERALLY in their hands. Jerry rose to the challenge & showed me all the love I could hope for. He learned the proper & safe way to bathe me, to dress me, to transfer me to & from my wheelchair & many more things that are simply too personal for me to write about. (If you're really curious, just Google "SCI quadriplegic care" & you'll get a ton of info.) Suffice it to say, he went FAR above & beyond. Heck, he even learned how to use curling irons, barrettes & mousse to style my waist-length hair! That in itself should earn him a medal!!

Because we felt it imperative that Jerry have a truly thorough understanding of the commitment he was undertaking, & because I dreamed of a Spring garden wedding, we had a fairly long engagement of 16 months. Jerry was involved in all the planning, & like a good groom should, he liked everything I chose. :-) When the day finally arrived, it was truly beautiful. It was a very touching day (& I'm not being biased. People still tell me so.). The whole day was a dream come true to me, but one very special thing to me was that Jerry got on one knee to say his vows so we would be eye level. It about killed him since we were on brick pavers, but he just laughed off the pain. To this day, remembering that act of kindness always reminds me of how special he is. You see, when you spend your life in a chair, you're always looking up. In groups, at parties, chatting before church, shopping...everyone is above you, & you always have to crane your neck to join in. Understandably, most ABs (that's "crip speak" for able-bodied people) don't really think about how difficult that is for the wheelchair user. It can make us feel unnoticed, unheard & a bit claustrophobic. It can even quickly become quite painful for a quad who's had neck spinal fusion surgery. Sometimes someone will pull a chair up to sit by you to talk, if one's available. Occasionally, someone will squat down to you, but that's VERY rare indeed. When it does happen, it makes me feel very cared for...very special...very loved. So to have Jerry kneeling eye level during our vows is a treasured memory to me.

After our marriage, we continued living with my mom in the house I had grown up in. My caregiving situation stayed the same until November, 1995. My paid caregiver had a child die, so she had to quit working suddenly. We tried a different woman, but she was a nightmare! No matter how many times Mom or Jerry showed her how to do something, she just couldn't get it. To this day, Jerry & I jokingly use the expression, "Oh! OK!" to mean we have no clue what's going on, because that's what that woman said every...time...we...showed...her...something. My mom was so worried for my safety that she stayed home from work to watch over me. Well, after a few days, Jerry decided to make a change. Since none of us trusted this woman, & since we wanted to build our own house & knew we couldn't afford a caregiver & a mortgage, Jerry decided to become my full-time caregiver. In order to do that, he had to request a change of shift from his employer from day shift to midnights. It was granted & our new life began.

At first, when Jerry got home from work at about 7:15 am, he would start his second job by getting me out of bed & fed. He'd then take a nap until lunchtime when he would get up & feed me. Then he'd go back to bed until dinner time. If I needed anything in between times like the door opened, or my urine leg bag emptied, or a book, or whatever, I had to wake him. I hated doing that, so I tried to wait until I HAD to wake him to empty my leg bag. Mom usually made dinner after she got home from work. At night, Jerry put me to bed & then left for work at about 10:30 pm. On the weekends, he'd flip his sleep schedule so he'd be up during the day. It was grueling for him. After a few months, Mama retired from work. That made it a bit easier for Jerry. He was at least able to sleep all day after getting me up because Mama saw to my other needs.

Eventually, we found some land, sold our house & built our current one. The three of us moved here in September, 1997. Life continued pretty much the same way for a couple of years - except Jerry had a 45 minute commute instead of a 10 minute one. Then Jerry noticed that my mom had stopped asking him to pick up her prescriptions. He found the bottles in her in-law suite & noticed she'd stopped taking them. We put that together with some other oddities & decided she needed a trip to the doctor. She was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which we later discovered was actually Vascular Dementia...she'd had at least 6 "mini" strokes...but the results were the same. My mom was losing her memory & abilities.

Over time our roles changed. Instead of Mama "being my hands", I became "her brain". After Jerry got me up & in my chair, I would talk her through the steps of getting herself dressed, fed, etc. At first I just reminded her to do things. Later, I took her step-by-step through each item ("Pick up the pants. Sit down. Put your leg in." etc.) As a quadriplegic, I have had to become an expert at communicating my needs & instructing others in how to carry out tasks...& an expert in patience. These skills helped tremendously with Mom. Blessedly, she was able to understand my instructions for several years, & was even still able to help me some in return.

Sadly, as is the case with dementia, my mom progressed to the point where my instructions weren't enough. By December, 2002, we had to use a combination of adult day care & hired caregivers for her. One woman, Janelle, (who we still think of as our angel & are blessed to call our friend) came on weekday mornings to get Mom up & drive her to the adult day care center for dementia patients. On most days, Jerry was so tired that he would have to take a nap after work before getting me up. Many times he even fell asleep in his car in the driveway. When that happened, Janelle would wake him when she got here & send him inside so he could get me up. With Mom gone all day, Jerry & I were back to our original routine of my having to wake him when I needed him. It was really rough on him.

In the evenings, another caregiver would pick Mom up, bring her home & look after her needs. On the weekends, she had caregivers at home all day. These ladies were a blessing to us as well because they occasionally helped Jerry with tasks around the house like cooking, laundry & one girl even once in awhile helped him in taking care of the acre of land we have. But if one of the caregivers didn't show up...which happened from time to time...Jerry had to, not only work, take care of me, take care of the yard & the house & the grocery shopping & the cooking & the laundry & everything else, but he also had to take care of my mom. How many guys do you know who would do that?

Eventually, in Fall, 2005, my mom's dementia advanced to the point that we had to make the difficult decision to place her in a nursing home, & a few months later, she went Home to the Lord. After 10 1/2 years of marriage, that was the first time that Jerry & I were alone in our one home. To be honest, it was a little weird & took some adjustment on both our parts. But while it was harder for Jerry physically because he no longer had ANY help, it was, in a way, mentally better because he could set everything up in the kitchen, laundry, etc., just the way HE liked it...a plus for anyone.

With Mom gone, it was time for us to make changes again. Jerry's working night shift was dangerous for me. After he put me in bed at night & left, I was literally TRAPPED there, alone, until he came home. If anything had happened, like my getting choked on my saliva (which happens), a power outage, tornado, fire, etc., there would have been nothing I could do. So after more than 10 years, Jerry put in another shift change request & was back on day shift. And, after nearly 20 years of knowing someone was always in the house if I needed them, I had to learn a lot of independence...something impossible in my bed, but MUCH easier in my wheelchair.

At first, it was a bit scary, but God has blessed us with GREAT neighbors who have always been a phone call away. I've now grown to love my "independence"...such that it is. Jerry's day now starts at 4 am. He gets up & gets himself ready for work before waking me at 4:30. He gets me dressed, in my chair, etc., & gives me a pillow & blanket so I can recline my wheelchair & go back to sleep for a couple of hours. (It's not comfortable, good sleep, but I'll gladly take it!) Then he leaves for work. He leaves my protein shake & lunch & special fork in a lunch bag on the table. (Feeding myself regularly is one of the things I've had to gain the strength to do.) He makes certain the blinds in my hobby room (Mom's former in-law suite) are open, my computer is on, & my iPad & glasses are clean & accessible. He installed a new thermostat with a remote control so I can adjust the HVAC. As for my catheter/leg bag, he found an automatic emptier & attached it to my wheelchair. I can open & close the doors now, so I can come & go as I please. And occasionally I have friends come by or take me out to "play". And as I said, my neighbors are always close by & willing to help.

When Jerry gets home from work, he still has to begin his "second job" around here. He's still responsible for all of the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, car care, AND my care, & doesn't usually get to sleep until 10:30 or 11:00 pm. We were blessed to find yard help about a year ago, which has been a HUGE blessing to him. On top of all of this, Jerry is ALWAYS willing to help those in need. When a neighbor, friend or family member calls, he answers, "Yes" whenever possible. For example, he just spent 2 days doing "extreme yard work" for his elderly parents, is waiting on parts to fix his dad's car's brakes, has a friend's dirt bike in the garage to repair, & married two high school friends this weekend!! (He became ordained last Spring so he could marry my niece & her husband.)

Jerry & I have been together now for over 18 years. We've been married of over 16 years. And he's been my only caregiver - without a break - for nearly 15 years. And he never ceases to amaze me. "They" say a spouse should never be your caregiver, & I can understand why. But "they" don't live in the real world where you either have to be very poor or very financially "comfortable" in order to have hired caregivers. I KNOW how blessed I am to have Jerry. I PRAY we could have other caregivers until I am healed. And when I day dream, it's not of all the travels I'll take or paintings I'll paint or dances I'll dance. I DREAM of caring for my husband...of scrubbing toilets, ironing his shirts, cooking his meals & being the wife he deserves. As I said at the beginning of this, Jerry IS the most wonderful man on the planet. He isn't amazing because he takes care of me. He takes care of me BECAUSE he's amazing!

And God knew & planned way back there on that Spring afternoon on that front porch...and it was like...magic.

It's Christmas Once Again

Twenty-three years ago I spent Christmas in the hospital...Shepherd Center, specifically. It was just over a month after my accident, & it was a very hard thing for me. I ADORED Christmas! I loved the decorating, the shopping, sending & receiving cards, the wrapping, the music, everything! And I was missing it. Worse yet was the fact that it was my very first Christmas spent away from home. Come to think of it, it's the ONLY Christmas I've EVER spent away from home. Oh, I've gone out visiting later in the day, but I've always awakened in my own bed...except for that one year.

At the time, I was very sad about being stuck in Shepherd for Christmas, but looking back I realize it really wasn't so bad. In fact, considering it was a hospital, everyone made it quite fun.

First, there was Richie Bear. At the time of my accident, I was working as a staffing assistant & customer service trainer at one of the Rich's department stores. Rich's was an Atlanta institution, especially at Christmas. Each year on Thanksgiving, the downtown store would have the lighting of the "Great Tree" on top of their 5-story building. They also had Santa & his reindeer & the Pink Pig - a pig-shaped train ride for kids. In 1986, Rich's introduced Richie Bear - a big, white, stuffed bear sold during the Christmas season as a charity fundraiser. As Customer Service Trainer, Richie became "my baby" for our branch, so to speak. It was my responsibility to train the sales staff on all things Richie. By the time of our Richie kick-off meeting, I was so tired of Richie that I, a (at the time) teddy bear collector, told the store manager that I never wanted to see another Richie again! So, naturally, I received FIVE of them as gifts while at Shepherd, the 1st being from the employees at my store, delivered by my aforementioned store manager. With a crooked grin on his face he said, "I know you never wanted to see him again, but we just HAD to." And those silly little bears DID cheer my room a bit.

Richie wasn't my room's only holiday touch. I received TONS of Christmas cards, which my nurses taped up all over my walls. I also got a few plants & balloons, & my stepmother's boss even sent me a decorated & lit table-top Christmas tree. They all helped make my room very Christmasy.

Throughout December we had a lot of visitors to Shepherd. They brought cookies, visited & went caroling down the halls.

On Christmas Eve, the nurses moved a cot into my room & my mom spent the night with me. That was wonderful. On Christmas morning, my sister's priest surprised us with a visit. He brought us Communion. That simple act touched my heart deeply & has always given Brother Joel a very special place in my heart.

Later, my entire (local) family came to spend Christmas together. Honestly, it was a bit surreal having my step-family & "real" family celebrating together. But there we all were - me, Mama, Daddy, my stepmother, her mother, my sister & her husband & 3 girls, my brother & his wife & stepdaughter, my 3 stepbrothers, 1 of their fiances, & my friend Mary & her boyfriend. We all gathered in the gym & they sat on the mat tables as we opened presents.

That year made such an impression on me that I even remember many of the gifts that I received. I remember thinking, "What can they possible give a quadriplegic besides sweats!?" Well, they did a pretty darn good job on creativity. My sister's family gave me a handmade teddy bear made by my sister out of an antique quilt that had been made by my mother's mother. My brother's family gave me a gold teddy bear charm for a necklace. My dad's mother - the families official "queen" of gift-giving - sent me a $50 savings bond (which I have never cashed). But the best things they all gave me were their love, their support & their presence. They will never know how much it meant to me to be surrounded by them on that difficult Christmas day.

Little did I know things were about to get even more difficult. As the day wore, on my mother started feeling bad, so my dad & stepmom followed or took her home, only to end up taking her to South Fulton Hospital. She spent a week there with heart problems, & ended up having triple-bypass surgery at Crawford Long Hospital in February . Then, on New Years Day, my dad came to visit & surprise me with a special lunch from Longhorn Steak House. He surprised me, all right, by having a heart attack as he walked through my door. Thankfully, it was mild AND, Mary & her boyfriend were with me AND we were in a hospital. (If you're gonna have a heart attack, have it in a hospital!) He spent that next week at Piedmont Hospital & St. Joseph's Hospital. Eventually, everyone turned out to be fine. We even started a family joke became that that my sister could now write a Fodor's Guide Book to Atlanta hospitals, having eaten & slept in so many!

Yes, that Christmas was a challenge, but it had what mattered most - family. Whether by blood or by love, family is what matters most at Christmas. So if you don't have a family, why not drop by your local hospital & "adopt" one. I assure you, they will be blessed, & so will you!

I wish each of you a very Merry Christmas filled with joy & love.

Where’s The Love?

A high school friend who is now a pastor in Seattle posed this question on Facebook yesterday:

“As we pray for God to intervene, why do some seem to be healed and others not? Is God indifferent or selective? What is up with that?”

Being someone who has been praying & believing for my own healing for nearly 23 years, the question interested me greatly.  In fact, I have asked some form of it myself through the years.  Since Jesus healed all who came to him (Matt. 12:15 & Acts 10:38) & said that if we have faith in Him, we would do the same & greater (John 14:11-14), why isn’t everyone healed?

First, I must say that I don’t think it’s really a question of why so many people aren’t healed as it is an amazement that so many people are healed.  I mean, we deserve nothing.  Every good thing we have has nothing to do with us – our works – but is purely because of God’s love. And since most Christians are, if we’re being honest, such a mess at being Christians, it is only by God’s great compassion that, when we pray for people, we see the miracles we do see.  Yes, it’s always by Him, but He likes using His earthly body – The Church – to accomplish His will.  And because of this, He has shown us in His word how we might be used.  And I think that’s the question my friend was asking…why aren’t we used more?

I was sitting in the warm, beautiful sunshine this morning & my friend’s question came back to me, so I started reflecting on it & talking it over with God.  I asked Him, “Lord, since Your word is true & always works, why aren’t more people healed?  Why isn’t everybody who is prayed for healed?  You’re word says it, so it can’t be You.  Yes, Lord, You are sovereign, but You said that if we have faith, we would do what You did & greater…that You would do it through us.”  As I sat there listening, I felt these words in my spirit:

“Where’s the love?”

The bible says that faith works by love (Gal. 5:6).  So where is the love?  Jesus taught that all of the commandments were summed up by love (Matt. 22:36-40) & that love is the most important thing (John 15).  God is love (1 John 4:8).  Jesus came because of this love – that we might be saved.  He came so that we might see God in the flesh (John 14:9)…so that we could see love.  Yet what do we do?  What do we, the body of Christ, do?  Do we truly love?  Not often.  Too many times the body of Christ, instead of loving one another, is ripping itself apart.  “Arms” cut off “legs”.  “Legs” gouge out “eyes”.  “Eyes” cut out “tongues”.  And all the parts stab the “hearts”.  If the Church can’t even walk in love with our own body, how can people be healed?  How can we ask in faith expecting when faith works by a love in which we aren’t walking?

Jesus said,

"⁵I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” (John 15:5-8 NIV)

Do we reap strawberries from the branches of a grape vine?  Do we reap tomatoes from the branches of a squash vine?  Of course not!  If we’re reaping strawberries, it’s not a grape vine & if we’re reaping tomatoes, it’s not a squash vine.  So the question is, what are we reaping?  Are we reaping hatred, anger, depression, cruelty, meanness, doubt, harshness &/or selfish desires?  If so, then we are not a branch of the True Vine.  If we are not reaping the fruit of the True Vine, then we are not truly abiding in Him – allowing Him to prune us to make us productive (John 15:1-2).

^“22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control.” (Gal. 5:22-23)

God’s word is always true & always works, so if we aren’t seeing & doing the miracles Jesus did, perhaps it’s because we aren’t walking in the fruit of the Spirit…we aren’t walking in true love.  Perhaps we haven’t allowed Him to have His full work in us.  I know I haven’t.  I am not a horrible person, but I can be unkind & selfish & mean & judgmental.  I can blow up in anger & be cruel at times.  In fact, these things come far too easily!  But I don’t want to be that way any longer – ever!  I want to obey Jesus’ command & LOVE!  I want to let go of all of me…all of my selfish desires…& let Him transform me into His “Love Machine”.  That is what will bring Him the greatest joy, and after everything He’s done for me, I want to give Him great joy!  I am not saved by works, but I want my works to give Him glory!

And if we allow Him to transform us…if we truly start loving…,I believe, as an added bonus, we will see our prayers for healing answered!

Those are my thoughts.  As always, your comments are welcome & encouraged!

Part 6 - The Heart of a Father

One day as I lay in my bed in the Special Care Unit at Shepherd Center, my dad came to visit me. Although he spent many hours with me during my stay, I remember this particular moment clearly, like a snapshot in time. He was standing on my right side looking down at me. I suppose we chatted about this & that, all nondescript things I have long since forgotten. Then, out of the blue, he said something that I will never forget - something that, to me, would forever define true love.

My father looked down upon me & said, "If only I could change places with you & climb into that bed & be paralyzed so you could be healed, I would."

Well, of course I argued with him saying, "Daddy, no! I wouldn't want that!" He replied, "Yes, but I'm old & I've lived my life. You deserve a chance to live yours, too." I said, "Well, thank you, but I wouldn't want you to be paralyzed."

That was the whole conversation. At the time, it was what it was - my Daddy showing, in a moment of vulnerability, how helpless he felt that he couldn't help his hurting baby. Since then, however, the Lord has shown me the true depth & importance of my father's words.

"If only I could change places with you...I would."

That is the definition of true love - thinking not of oneself, but only longing to do whatever necessary to give the very best to the other.

That is the heart of a good father.

That is the heart of God.

My daddy looked down & saw my life -my hopes, my dreams, my future - shattered by that awful paralysis, &, out of his love, wanted desperately to fix things...to give me back my life. I knew he meant it when he said he'd trade places with me. If he could have, he would have done it in a heartbeat, but he couldn't.

But that is true love.

That is the Father's love.

That love that my Daddy felt & expressed for me is the same love that God has for all of His children. God created each of us & gave us the greatest gift anyone can ever give - free will. Just as I chose to use my free will to make the stupid choices that caused me to be paralyzed, all mankind has made the stupid choices that have brought sin & death into God's perfect world. What God created good, man used his gift of free will to mess up. Yet God still loves us.

When my daddy looked down & saw my broken body, he didn't think about my poor choices. All he thought was, "If only I could change places with you...I would." It's the same way with God. He looked down & saw his children laying in our beds of paralyzing sin - sin that held us back from being everything He created us to be - & he said, "If only I could change places with you...I would." But where my daddy couldn't do it, God could & DID do it in the form of Jesus Christ. God sent His own Son to come into this world & pay the price of our sin so that we could choose to walk whole...so that we could have hope, dreams & a future. Jesus took our judgment upon Himself. Out of His true love, He sacrificed Himself on the cross, said, "It is finished," & surrendered His life for us. He climbed into our beds of paralyzing sin so that, if we accept His gift, we can get up & walk in the fullness of life with God.

That is the heart of the Good Father.

That is True Love.

If you have never made a personal choice to accept God's gift of love, why not take a moment to do so right now. Maybe you've never heard of God's gift before. Maybe nobody ever told you that each of us has to individually - personally - accept God's love through Jesus for us. Maybe you accepted it once, but you've crawled back into that sin-bed. Maybe you've just been holding God at arms length lately & need to reconnect. Maybe you're not sure about any of this, but you just don't like where life's got you now. Wherever you are, God's love is waiting. He's a daddy who sees you just the way you are & loves you anyway. He's a daddy who is holding out His hand, ready to help you up & teach you & guide you through a life with Him.

It's simple, really. Just say something like, "Jesus, thank you for your gift. I need it. I accept it. Please help me."

If you accepted God's gift, please let me know. I'd love to rejoice with you!

Part 5 - A Time for Giving Thanks

A few weeks before my accident, I spent a Saturday night at my dad’s house. When I awoke Sunday morning, I found Daddy & his wife dressed up as though they were going to work – suit & tie for him, dress for her. At first, I thought I’d had a Rip Van Winkle moment & slept straight through ‘till Monday. I asked them what was going on & they said they had decided to go check out the church right outside their subdivision. I was surprised because, except for weddings & funerals, my father hadn’t been in church in years. He wasn’t an unbeliever, he just didn’t attend church. I was thrilled that they were going! I loved the Lord &, as I mentioned earlier, He had been drawing me back to church, too. (I didn’t actually recognize the similarities in Daddy’s & my situations until months later, but I was still thrilled they were going.) Well, they must have liked the church because they joined it on the Sunday before my accident. That would prove to be very much a “God thing”.

The folks from that church – Harp’s Crossing Baptist Church in Fayetteville, GA - became such an integral part of my family’s life & of my story. As I’ve mentioned, God tried to warn me to stay away from the accident, but He knew I wouldn’t, & because of that fact, He knew we would all need the people of that church very much. They continually exemplified the LOVE WALK of a Christian in so many ways.

My first contact with the Harp’s congregation (that I remember) came at Thanksgiving. My accident occurred just 5 days before Thanksgiving Day, & I was transferred to Shepherd Center the day before Thanksgiving. Now for those of you reading this from outside the USA who don’t know about Thanksgiving, it is a national holiday celebrated on the 4th Thursday of November. It was originally set aside as a day of prayer, remembrance &, well, giving thanks. In my experience, it has, however, transitioned into a day for family & friends to gather & eat WAY, WAY too much food – usually a turkey dinner – & watch a lot of football on TV.

Needless to say, holiday meal plans were no longer at the top of my family’s priorities. Well, God took care of that for my dad & his wife & stepchildren. When they arrived home from Shepherd on Wednesday evening, they found a complete Thanksgiving dinner waiting for them at their front door, anonymously given by one of the family’s in their new church – the church they had only joined 10 days earlier. The meal even included a big teddy bear for me & an unsigned card filled with love & prayers.

Thanksgiving was just the beginning of all the blessings given to us through the people of Harp’s. They faithfully mailed me so many cards that my hospital room wall was literally covered in them. The Single Adult group came to visit me & I gained a few close girlfriends out of that group. They prayed, prepared meals, visited, sent gifts & so much more. They didn’t even know us, but they loved on us with the heart of Christ – a servant’s heart.

There were two couples in particular that practically “adopted” me, if you will. The first was Kay & David. They had recently lost they’re only child – a daughter. She had been born with Spina Bifida, but died as a teenager, so they really understood what it was like to live with a disability . Kay & David visited me often, even ringing in the New Year with me. They gave me a special breath-operated phone so that I could make calls unassisted & a talking clock so I would know how soon my next body rotation or the morning would arrive, as I often lay awake in the dark. Those gifts were indescribably valuable to me. Kay & David were wonderful friends!

The other couple was Vance & Judy. They became my “spiritual parents”. Their story is such an integral part of my life that I will write about it in it’s very own post.

Harp’s Crossing’s pastor, Dennis Watson, became one of my regular visitors & dearest friends. He came almost daily at first &, later, at least weekly. He prayed with me, listened to me, talked to me, encouraged me, laughed with me & even cried with me. My dad told me Dennis mentioned me in nearly every service for all the months I was at Shepherd, reminding everyone to continue praying. He was the first person to have a dream about my healing. There have been several by now, but his was the first. He dreamed that I walked into the church pushing my wheelchair in front of me. If he didn’t truly have faith for my healing, he did a great job of faking it! Dennis was even the first Elder to “officially” pray for my healing from a biblical perspective:

James 5:14 – 16 (NIV) “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

Several years ago, the Lord gave me the verse Psalm 27:13 as what I call my “rock scripture” – the scripture that He wants me to always stand on & put faith in no matter what. It says:

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” (NIV)

I believe in God’s provision for healing & I KNOW that I will be whole someday. I can’t wait to walk up to Dennis, thank him & show him the fruit of his “prayer of faith”!

Harp’s Crossing was by no means the only church to offer my family care, prayer & love. I know there were MANY. My sister’s priest, Joel, brought me Communion on Christmas Day. My grandmother’s church in California prayed, sent cards, etc. I received visits from the church in which I’d grown up. The list goes on. I’m certain that there are many other stories of the wonderful acts of kindness given to my family by various churches that I will not know until I’m Home with the Lord. I am grateful to them all & to the countless others who were not affiliated with any particular church, but allowed God to use them as well.

God knew & provided for our need before it even existed. That is the heart of a good father. More on the “good father” later.

Looking Back

I haven't written anything in almost a week. I don't know exactly why. I just haven't felt like "looking back". Looking back can be a great thing. It helps us to see how far we've come in life. When I look back & remember my immaturity, my lack, my foolishness of youth - of which there was much - and then compare it to my life now, it creates in me an attitude of gratitude. I can see in hindsight how God has used all of my pains & mistakes to grow me into the woman I have become & I am grateful. I can also see in hindsight how blessed a life I've truly had. Yes, looking back can bring great joy.

Sometimes, however, looking back simply reminds us of what we've lost. This backwards journey is a dangerous slippery slope for anyone. If we allow ourselves to walk through that door of self-pity, we are asking for trouble. If we entertain those thoughts of loss - of regrets - we will fast spin into a downward spiral of useless misery. I don't often feel this way, but sometimes it does happen & when I see those bright yellow DANGER signs, I stop looking back. That's where I've been this week.

You see, 7 years ago this past week I lost my father to cancer. Well, I didn't exactly LOSE him. I know exactly where he is - rejoicing in the presence of the King of Glory - but he's not here with me anymore where I can talk to him & see him & touch him & share my life with him.....& I miss him. Most of the time I'm OK with his being gone. Of course I grieved in the beginning & I have had moments of sadness since, but I have reached that stage in life where I understand that death is a part of life. As long as I know the person has a relationship with Jesus, I know that when they die they are home & that I will see them again someday.

I have faced the death of a lot of loved ones in my life, & I have grown to accept the peace God offers us at times like that. I don't even always remember the anniversaries of those times anymore - at least not always right on the day. I don' know why this year has been different. Maybe it's because I've been stirring up all the memories of my accident. My dad WAS such an important part of that time. In fact, he was my rock. He encouraged me & believed in me & supported me in so many ways!

Of course, he always did. He was my Champion. He was my knight in shining armor. He wasn't a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination & he knew it. But I was blessed to have a daddy who always wanted me, always helped me, always forgave me & always loved me. Daddy is the one person in all my life who I have never - not for an instant - doubted his love for me. That is a special bond that transcends time & distance. As it should be, I have a new Champion now - my husband, Jerry, who Daddy loved & highly approved. But even though he has passed the baton & gone home, I know Daddy still keeps watch over us as he sings praises to the King, plays his trumpet in worship & dances with joy!

Thank you, God, for giving me the blessing of my daddy, even if the time was far too short. You, as always, made the perfect choice! I miss you Daddy & I will love you always!

Please give me a few days & I'll get back to writing about my journey...as soon as I know the slope is no longer slippery. Thank you.